New Spirit, Who Dis?

 

When you’ve worked hard to become the person you are. . .
When you’ve released way too much so you can be free. . .
When you’ve spent countless seconds, minutes, hours in prayer and in wise counsel. . .
When you’ve forgiven yourself for so many failures that you didn’t even realize at the time were failures. . .
When you’ve forgiven yourself for so many of other people’s failures that you believed were yours. . .
And forgiven them once you realized. . .
When you’ve rebuilt yourself from the inside out intentionally. . .
And fought past excuses. . .
And fought past blame. . .
And given YOURSELF the closure that you needed. . .
When you’ve learned acceptance and how to live within it and still hold onto yourself. . .
When you’ve learned to love yourself unconditionally. . .
And not allow others to determine how and how much you love you. . .
When you’ve studied yourself. . .
And learned yourself. . .

And study continuously to stay abreast of the latest advances in you-ology. . .
When you’ve labored intensively at establishing boundaries. . .
And enforcing them. . .
Not only with others, but also with yourself. . .
When you’ve figured out and are confident in what you have to offer the world. . .
And you’ve figured out what is valuable to you. . .
And what you can vs what you will not accept. . .
And FINALLY, when you VALUE the body of work that YOU have accomplished. . .
Because it is tedious, painstaking, emotional work. . .

. . . .You will not let just any ole body take residence in your mind, your spirit, your life. . .
And dismantle everything that it took your soul to build. . .

 

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I Ain’t Loyal

On your journey to the best version of you, there will be things, people, ideas, ideologies that you will have to let go of in order to step into the next phase of your identity. This letting go will be a consistent theme throughout your life if you are evolving. Releasing things that do not serve you can be one of the hardest things to do for several reasons.

People

Those who know this current version of you are unrelenting in their oblivious insistence that you remain familiar to them. Change is hard on everyone, and humans have this sense of entitlement to sameness of everything around them. Shifting, stretching, growing up or out in the presence of those who see you as one thing is. . . .uncomfortable and intimidating.

Uncertainty

You can’t be sure this next phase works. Putting on a version of you that hasn’t been tested is daunting. The thing is you will never have the opportunity to “test” a higher version of yourself. When it’s authentic, you move differently. You understand yourself at a deeper level. This ability to go deeper is powerful. New power is exciting and scary and . . . .what if you mess up?

Separation Anxiety

Your next phase allows you to go further. You have access to people, places, opportunities, ideas, and knowledge that you didn’t before. This means there may be an unsettling distance between you and the people, places, opportunities, and ideas you used to entertain. You don’t know what it’s like to enter certain doors where no one or few people that you know will greet you. You don’t know what it’s like to have an overbooked calendar. You don’t know what it feels like to be 10x more productive and no one to relate to. You don’t know what it’s like to shop in a different section or to not have to take those meds. You don’t know what it’s like to have more time freedom. See all the attachments?

Obligation

You feel a sense of duty. You would not have gotten where you are without all the things that make the current you. . . .you. Your job, those orgs you worked with, those clients who no longer (or never did) fit your ideal client profile, the church you joined randomly when you moved to a new city. They all had a place and part to play in getting you here.

Sentimental Value

This is by far one of the (if not the) biggest barriers to you moving into the next phase of your identity. There is no rhyme or reason as to why you hold onto certain things. You just do. Letting them go feels like a personal assault to who you are. This usually has NOTHING to do with who or how you are, but rather with what you DO. We are so used to doing doing doing that we often miss our greatest opportunities to BE.

So How Can You Get Past This?

The question you need to ask yourself is this: Are the things I’m holding onto going to serve me WELL in my next phase?

Then resolve to dissolve your loyalty to

• ideas
• ideals
• patterns
• words
• schools of thought
• people
• groups
• orgs
• habits
• places
• rituals
• traditions
• foods
• tools
• companies
• clients
• (add whatever else you want here)

that don’t serve you in this next phase of your identity. Drop me a line below and let me know what you are no longer giving your undue loyalty to.

I Am Not Your Strong Black Woman

 

In many ways across many platforms and in social media, we hear so much about the strong Black woman.  The conversations range from (men and women) putting the strong Black woman on a pedestal to declaring the strong Black woman trope as a silent killer of Black women.  But the latter conversation is fairly new and not given nearly the attention it deserves.  For years, Black women have prided ourselves on being “strong” and able to endure and come out of the worst of situations still breathing.  Likewise, our men have expected this, even now demanding this of us, as though entitled to our ability to withstand mental and physical duress unnecessarily.  Sort of like an initiation into the pickme squad. 

Recently, a friend posed this question to Facebook: Fellas, what is the allure of the STRONG Black woman?