12 Personal Goals For 2019 and How I Established Them

Do you ever get tired of setting the same goals year after year, only to let them taper off somewhere between months three and five?

Whether you celebrate a new year on January 1st or are part of the growing trend of people who celebrate your new year on your birthday, if you’re like most people, you have “New Year resolutions” or goals that fall into one of the following categories: health & fitness goals, money goals, professional goals, or personal development goals.

Setting goals is the fun part, yes? In the beginning, you’re pumped up, your energy is high, you’ve given yourself a clean slate, and you’re ready to dive in head first. You start off doing great! You’re doing about 75% – 80% of the work. And then. . . .

Gif taken from tenor.com

So what happened? Two things: Your goals weren’t specific enough, and/or there was no end in sight. These are the two most important aspects of goal-setting. Keeping this in mind, I set twelve goals and gave myself roughly 30 days to focus on each.

Personal development has been the major theme in my life over the past year, and I wanted to continue down that path in 2019. I’m going to share with you some goals that I set for myself, and I hope that this will inspire you to use this method to set and accomplish some of your own. Here goes. . .

Getting Organized

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I started the year off with organization. I wanted to organize my home, school schedule, my time, get clear on my goals, and establish general order in my life and home. Getting organized was the foundation of 2019 and set the stage for me to do everything else I want to do. It was the most freeing thing. I threw out tons of stuff! I have a system in my household. Disorganization and lack of structure will be the death (or terminal illness) of anything you try to accomplish. Later, I will blog about the specific steps that I took and how they have helped me thus far.

Research Homeschool

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This is a personal goal that I set because I knew I wanted to homeschool my son, but I didn’t know where to start. The whole idea seemed daunting. I’d actually asked my Facebook friends a few months ago and gotten a little help there, but I knew I needed to arm myself with knowledge and resources to feel completely comfortable. Being the procrastinator that I am (because school doesn’t end til May, right?), I needed focused time explore the idea and all of our options. My goal was to join groups, make homeschool family friends, and familiarize myself with Texas laws around homeschooling. I will also have a post up on that topic soon, so if you are interested in homeschooling, make sure to subscribe via the little black box on the right so that you can be notified when it posts.

Learn Couponing

Photo taken from thenextweb.com

Couponing is something I’ve been interested in and curious about for quite some time. I’m all about saving money! The goal was to go to YouTube University (isn’t YouTube great?!) and find a live class or two, then immediately put into practice what I learned. That was my March goal. I’m gonna be honest here. March was such a crazy month, I didn’t get to touch it. However, I am not beating myself up. Maybe I can squeeze in a little bit here and there over the coming months, but I’m not stressing about it. Each month the focus is the goal for that month. I won’t be derailed by being too judgy of my own shortcomings. If you or someone you know teaches couponing, or if you know of any resources that may be helpful, please reach out via the contact button and let me know so that I can share with other readers.

Improve Communication

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This one may go against popular opinion. I’ve never liked the RBF (resting bitch face) for several reasons, one of them being that it reflects or dictates your mood. It can repel people who might otherwise be drawn to you for one reason or another, and while that may be the goal some (or for most people some of the time), I don’t generally want to be a people repellent.

Negative people are drawn to negative people, and pleasant people are drawn to pleasant people. I want to bring and attract light wherever I go.

So. . . .I invented my own term- the Resting Pleasant Face. Thirty days of conscious awareness of how I present myself in public and at home. If you know anything about the show America’s Next Top Model, you know what I mean when I say I’ve been practicing my smize. The lady in the picture above is a perfect example of smizing and Resting Pleasant Face.

Remembering to make eye contact with, smile at, and say “hello” to everyone who comes within 5 ft of me, because I love getting people out of their own heads, and most people appreciate it. I also want to practice intentionally speaking kindly to others and keeping my tone neutral even when I’m frustrated. This article explains something I’ve realized for quite some time now.

No Complaining

Photo taken from allforwomen.co.za

Gratitude is a trendy topic and practice right now, but that’s not what this goal is about. Have you ever caught yourself putting a “but” before your gratitude? Like needing to list everything that is wrong with life before conceding that things could be worse? That is not true gratitude. My goal with this is to practice nipping complaining in the “but.” I will practice remaining silent if and when I cannot think of anything positive to say.

Accepting Support

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One of my long-time struggles that somehow became more of a struggle as a single mom is accepting support. The strong Black woman syndrome is real! After going through a really tough time a few years ago, I’ve gotten better at accepting support from people. However, I still struggle with asking. Why? I don’t know, and I’ve been exploring that. For thirty days this summer, I’m challenging myself to be consciously cognizant of opportunities to ask for and receive help when I need it and to challenge what a “need” looks like. If you’re reading this, whoever you are, I would love it if you embarked on this challenge with me.

Consciously Feeling

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One thing that I have been actively practicing is feeling my feelings. You should try it. Make it regular practice to be still and feel. . .everything from the inside out. However, the focus with this goal is to feel from the outside in. To use touch in communication with others (and myself) to comfort, when appropriate and with permission, of course. To love on myself, give myself massages, nurture my hair and skin. I will use touch to communicate with nature, stopping to feel the texture of flowers and other plants, bury my feet in the grass, take any opportunity to feel the wind in my face. We live in such a time of go go go, and I just want to take the focus off of the next thing and put it back where it belongs- in the present.

Confident Posturing

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This goal will be a focus on how I walk. It may sound funny, but this is a thing. Hear me out. First of all, if you’re a woman and busty like me, you know where I’m going with this. I sometimes catch myself slouching a little, because these babies need breaks! Lol! However, if you’re person with low self-esteem or social anxiety, you may find yourself doing the same as a way of sort of shrinking yourself. Don’t do it. Come along with me. My intent with this goal is to own the space I move within. To let my presence be felt, not only by others but by me. To move slower, purposefully, and put folks on notice with my gait that I’m coming. If this resonates with you, reach out via that contact button and tell me you’re in. I’d love to include the experiences of others in the feedback post.

Laughing

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We often hear (or read) that laughter is the best medicine, and it truly is. There’s nothing like a good laugh to take your mood from sour to lighthearted when you’re feeling pouty, discouraged, or worried. The goal here is to look for opportunities to laugh and not take life so seriously. I will give myself permission to laugh and not to hold onto anger, fear, or worry, recognizing that they give me no power. I also just want to be always enjoying life. On the flip side of that, I will be conscious of that annoying nervous chuckle I sometimes do and use my words and feelings to determine how I should respond to any given situation. I will find the humor in my mistakes and let them be medicine rather than poison.

Try A New Dish

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Or perfect an old one, because most of the “You Should Do/Have This In Your 30s” lists mention having a signature dish. Not sure which I’ll do yet, as I love cooking and experimenting in the kitchen. I cook many things well, but I don’t think I have one dish that I can say, unequivocally, I’ve made it mine. I just thought this would be fun. If you’d like to see me try a new dish, send me your suggestions. I may choose one and blog about the experience!

Be Social

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As some of you may know, I am in school. The further I’ve gotten into my studies, the more I have cut back on social activities to focus on what’s important at the moment. I am on the homestretch, and I’m looking forward to regaining a social life!

You’re probably wondering what this picture has to do with being social. I’ll tell you. The focus and intent of this goal is twofold: 1. To regularly put myself in places to meet more guys while I’m out. 2. To come out of my introverted shell and be more open and inviting around said guys. I mean, I’m dating to be taken. How else is a girl supposed to be taken off the market? I’m all for being a little hard to get, but I want to make sure I’m not hard to approach.

Learning Makeup Techniques

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I’m not a “wake up and slay everyday” type of woman, but I do like wearing makeup from time to time. I had gotten pretty good at doing my own makeup at one time. However, it’s been at least two years since I’ve worn makeup, and I feel like the whole makeup game has changed! Like, where did all you regular people learn these apprentice mua techniques? I will need the whole thirty days just to be basic! YouTube University, here I come! I definitely want to take my going out look up a notch. If you’re reading this and can suggest some vloggers to watch, I would really appreciate it. FYI, natural looks like the one above are more my speed.

So these are the twelve personal goals I established for myself in 2019. I wanted them to be bite-sized, manageable, and attainable. It’s said that it takes 66 days to form a habit. I think 30 days is a good start, and the intent is to begin habit-stacking. I may or may not write a separate post on habit-stacking, but it’s basically building on your habits one at a time.

If you struggle with juggling and trying to maintain consistent actions toward all your goals at once, I encourage you to break them up into manageable parts that you can reasonably accomplish in a 30-day time frame. Be sure to switch up what you’re focusing on from month to month; otherwise, the work can and will still feel monotonous and you’ll become fatigued and discouraged. If this post helped you in any way or if you would like to join in one or a few of the 30-day goals, send me an email via the contact page and let’s talk! Be sure to subscribe for updates, as I’ll be writing about my experiences and takeaways from these each month.

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The Burden of Strength: Letting Go

Awhile ago, I was talking to a friend and she said, “But you’re the strongest person I know.” I used to get that a lot. Can you relate to that? Being the strong friend? The one everyone wants to be more like? Meanwhile, you’re longing for someone to be there to break your fall every once in awhile.

And while I’ve never liked strong as a descriptive word for me, as of late I’ve been actively working toward dismantling the perception.

Here’s the thing: It takes a lot to be “strong.” And many, many times my strength has been my weakness. It’s a double-edged sword, because when you’re weak, either no one cares or they’re waiting to pounce on you. When you’re strong, they say, “Oh, she’ll be alright. She’s the strongest person I know.”

I was strong for so long, not because I had no other choice, but because what I believed to be the alternative was not an acceptable way of living for me. I was living in a reality of extremes and saw no in-between.

I didn’t want to be weak. I didn’t want to be pitied.

I wanted compassion, but didn’t know how to access it. In fact, I think a more accurate statement would be that I didn’t know how to receive it. Looking back, perhaps I mistook compassion for pity. Does this sound familiar to you?

When you confuse the two, you will reject compassion as pity every time. You fear pity, because pity makes you feel like a weakling, and you fear being perceived as weak. You begin to overcompensate by being hostile and verbally abrasive when you feel the need to protect yourself. The thing is that you feel this need often, and it’s exhausting. You have to bark loud. It’s how you let people know that you ain’t the one or the two.

The thing is anyone can bark loud and use strong language. What I want for you as a woman to do is fortify your insides by establishing strong boundaries. Then, practice employing those boundaries to protect you from the stress of the physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse you’ve been allowing. Arguing or trying to convince others of your value actually lowers your value. It lets the other party know that your value or boundaries are up for negotiation. But that’s not the case, right? Right. The last thing you want is to have a loud voice and low resolve. That’s weak.

One last thing I want to address. Really, I want to give you permission. Sometimes, just you and your boundaries aren’t enough. Lean on people who care for you. Allow them to be there. A lot of our need as women to feel strong and misconstrue what it means is due to us not having or utilizing our support systems. This is so important when dealing with all types of relationships, including romantic relationships.

When dealing with predators, let the people who love you protect you.

NEVER face a predator alone. If a member of your tribe is not available to face them with you, simply refuse to engage.

Predators will always try to lure you out into the wild ALONE so they can make you prey.

– They want to prey on your heart.

– They want to prey on your psyche.

– They want to prey on your self-esteem.

Sometimes you don’t realize certain relationships are abusive. Pay attention to the feelings you feel about people. No, really pay attention. If you consistently feel proud of yourself for “standing up to” someone. . . . Sis, issa predator. Do👏 not👏 face👏 them👏 without👏 love👏 and👏 protection👏 present👏. OK?

Don’t fall for it, and don’t try to be “strong” by yourself. Let the love and protection of your tribe be your strength.

Love you. 😘

Did you have your own process for letting go of strength in favor of support? Tell us about it in the comments. I love when my readers can learn from each other. And of course, you can always hit that contact button and drop me an email! I want to hear from you. What other topics do you think I should cover on this blog?

Spring Break Blues and Gratitude

Me right before drifting into the deepest sleep ever.

This picture is my face after only three hours of sleep in the last 36+ hours, a hospital visit, cleaning up lots of vomit, and tending to a sick and very cranky preteen.

A thought ran across my mind that this week did not turn out the way it was supposed to.

– My son’s Spring Break plans were canceled last minute. He was supposed to spend a few days in Houston with his  aunt, but unforeseen circumstances prevented that.

– Consequently, the extra work I’d piled onto my schedule (some of which could not be rescheduled) in anticipation of having extra time on my hands prevented me from being able to do anything fun with him.

– Of course, he was major disappointed about not spending Spring Break with his aunt, whom he hasn’t seen in quite some time. To a 12-year-old, it didn’t matter that none of this was my fault or his aunt’s.

– Additionally, a fun field trip I had planned for him and postponed in lieu of the Houston trip could not be rescheduled for this week, which added insult to injury for him. (By the way, I’ll chronicle the field trip next week, so be on the  lookout for that!)

Looking at this week like. . .

These were minor things, little speed bumps in our week that slowed us down but didn’t stop us. I’d been in a space of deep gratefulness all week for everything and nothing at once.

BUT THEN. . . .

Thursday night after dinner, we were hanging out in our living room watching one of those pointless YouTube shows that kids watch, where other kids are pranking each other or making slime, when my son started complaining that his stomach was hurting. I gave him water. I thought he’d just eaten too much. It got worse, and about 11 p.m. when he began crying in agony, I knew we’d better get to a hospital. We arrived around 11:30 p.m. and didn’t leave until 5:30ish. Turns out my kid needs more fiber in his diet. The doctor ordered an enema. Haha! He was not expecting that! One day this will be sooo embarrassing for him to read! LOL! Anyway, when we arrived home, I immediately shed all my clothes, threw them in the washer, and had him do the same, because hospitals. Ew! So after showering and washing my hair (a feat in itself), I slept from approximately 7 a.m – 10 a.m. when the kid woke me up because he was feeling queasy. Then the vomiting started. And there was a store trip in between cleaning vomit (fun, right?) and just comforting him and making sure he was ok. And mopping with bleach and washing vomit-y clothes and bath mats. And of course, making sure I got  aaaalllll the splash off the doors and door frames. Listen.

Motherhood- 10, Me- 0

Keep in mind, except for those three hours, I’d been awake since 7 a.m. on Thursday. It was now Friday noon. The last thing I had planned for him, a lock-in hosted by the student ministry of Concord Church, was now looking like it also wouldn’t happen because of how sick he was.

So all of these things flashed through my head in a matter of seconds. I dwelled on them all of ninety seconds and let them go. Corrected and banished them. NO. YESTERDAY didn’t turn out how I thought it would, and that’s okay. It happens. I reminded myself that my son was able to learn some valuable lessons this week. He worked with me and was able to work off a small debt ($10) he owed me that will not have to come out of his allowance. He spent two days at a friend’s  he hadn’t visited in awhile. We were able to go to the movies, and he graduated to another level of independence. I allowed him to go and watch a different movie with his friend while us mothers were in a theater right down the hall. We ate out, and I taught him about tipping. He was able to witness the power of prayer Thursday night, as I prayed with him in the car and his stomach pains had subsided by the time we reached the hospital. And as it turned out, he was well enough to attend the student lock-in! 

Not only did this week turn out just fine, but there have been lots of exciting things happening that I’ve been working toward which I will share with you all as they unfold. 

As I contemplate how easy it was to almost get caught up in a complaining spirit, I realize how important it is to consistently practice gratitude. I was able to come back from those thoughts so quickly because my son and I end every day in gratitude. In our bedtime prayers, before we ask for anything- forgiveness, protection, healing, etc. -we give thanks for everything we can think of. The more we give thanks, the more things we find we have to be grateful for. If you’re reading this, I encourage you to make gratitude a daily practice for yourself and your family. You will live life so much deeper and so much richer. 

Oh, by the way. . . . Today, I slept my butt off!

If this touched you in any way, leave me thoughts your below. Love you! 

The Part of Jordyn’s Story No One’s Talking About

Let me preface this post by saying that I loathe celebrity gossip and couldn’t care less about these people’s drama. But this is not a gossip post. I want to address something specific about the Jordyn Woods/Tristan Thompson situation. I haven’t kept tabs on all of the headlines concerning this faux earth-shattering news.

What I know about this situation is that Jordyn Woods, who is Kylie Jenner’s best friend, was reportedly seen making out with Tristan Thompson, Khloe Kardashian’s baby daddy, who may or may not be also be Khloe’s man at this point. Take note of the wording here, because we will come back to this later.

According to Woods, she ended up at a kickback at Thompson’s home as is customary in L.A. nightlife culture.

However, I did watch Friday’s episode of Red Table Talk in which Jada Pinkett-Smith gave Jordyn Wood an opportunity to speak her piece on what really happened between her and Tristan Thompson. According to Woods, she ended up at kickback at Thompson’s home as is customary in L.A. nightlife culture. Woods also accepted responsibility for being at Thompson’s house in the first place, although she says she wasn’t aware at first of whose whom she and her friends were headed to. Having been young once and an occasional party-goer, I can definitely see this happening. You’re with a group of people you know and you’re going with the flow. Nothing unusual about that.

Jordyn says nothing happened between her and Tristan until. . . .the next morning as she was leaving the house, he kissed her on the lips. Jordyn says she tried to forget it and pretend it hadn’t happened. What I want to know why no one is offering this young lady support in the aftermath of being violated. Because that is exactly what happened. Even the folks who are on her side are only concerned with clearing her of sleeping with Khloe Kardashian’s half-in/half-out boyfriend. We are completely glossing over the fact that this man put his lips to hers totally without her consent. He didn’t ask for, nor did he receive consent to touch her sexually in any way. In a situation such as this, what do you do? Jordyn Woods did what most women would have done. She got in the car and went home as originally intended. Little did she know that someone would maliciously scandalize what was a violation of her person.

This happens more often than women talk about or even care to talk about. I have personally experienced this twice in the past three years. On two separate occasions with two different men, I’ve been caught off guard with a kiss on the cheek that I did not want, nor was I asked if it were ok to do so. One guy waited until I was turning away. The other grabbed me tightly in a bear hug that I couldn’t get out of while he planted a kiss on my cheek. Needless to say, I never talked to or saw either of those men again. There is not very much you can do when the deed is already done, but to be blamed, ridiculed, and threatened for it certainly adds insult to injury. It’s disgusting.

Now let’s go back to my earlier comment about Jordyn reportedly being seen making out with Tristan. Wording and framing are very important, and this is how the media has been framing the story, rather than saying Tristan was seen making out with Jordyn. The wording matters. Tristan Thompson, a known and confirmed cheater being protected, whether because he is a man or because he is Khloe Kardashian’s man or both. Either way, that is also disgusting. I did a little research (because again, I don’t keep up with celebrity gossip) and found out that Khloe herself started dating Tristan while he was still with his very pregnant girlfriend at the time. Reportedly, Khloe had said she was “just having fun with him” at the time and had been told he had a pregnant girlfriend. So did she expect him to be Man of the Year? Did anyone expect him to be Man of the Year? Supposedly, Tristan has “privately” admitted to something. It’s not clear exactly what. Of course, the word of a habitual liar and cheater holds major weight, right? Tuh!

I Had To Go Within

For the past 2 months, I have been. . . .quiet, in a place of deep introspection, exploring my inner life and putting the outer on hold. I didn’t exactly plan it. It just kind of happened. Yet, that is the point.

I imperceptibly began to simply listen to my body, my heart, my spirit and let them guide me. When I’ve been tired, I’ve slept. When I wanted quiet, I shut everything off. When I’ve felt inspired, I’ve created. I’ve desperately needed my own company, my own attention, my own affection, and I’ve given myself that.

I’ve created a space, inwardly and outwardly, in which I feel at peace, nourished, affirmed, and my whole self. A space where I feel comfortable and undistracted to commune with myself and God. It’s been an indescribable feeling. A deep knowing. I hadn’t realized how depleted I felt. How much of my delicate, introverted feminine energy had been zapped by things/people outside of me.

So I’ve surrendered my will and impulses to my spirit, which said to take extended rest until the appropriate time. The past few days I have spent loving extra on myself. Making sure my body is hydrated. Putting my fork down when I feel full. Taking extra special care of my skin. Giving my hair some TLC. Satiating my senses with sights, scents, sounds, flavors, and textures that delight and comfort me.

Now that I’m almost feeling full again, I am ready to connect. I said this year would be about relationships. I am currently doing relationship planning. Writing out who want to get closer to, exactly the actions I need to take to make that happen, and how I will hold myself accountable. I’m actually excited to get in deeper with MY people. Cheers to 2019. 🎆