Black Women Have Options


We love talking about relationships, don’t we?  And for good reason.  We are relational beings, created to live in harmony with one another.  But when it comes to dating and relationships, Black women are considered to be at the very bottom of the dating totem pole.  So I guess it should come as no surprise that conversations such as these continue to take place all over the internet.

Scenario 1:  Would you date/marry the man who gives you the world but can’t stay faithful to save his life or the man who’s loyal and loves you to life, but isn’t yet stable in his career?

Oooor. . . . .

Scenario 2: Two men are pursuing you. One has five kids by three baby mamas.  The other has no kids and lives with his mama. Which one are you going with?


I’m sure some would say this is merely entertainment, but I don’t see it that way. People take these conversations to heart, and discussions get real. From my observations, these scenarios are usually posed to Black women, and those who do not respond favorably are painted as unsympathetic, impatient, and lacking compassion.

Why is it that WE, even in hypothetical situations, are expected to cheerfully choose mates from the bottom of the barrel? Black women are not obligated to choose between Dusty and Ashy.  Sometimes it is even hard for us to believe.  We are constantly told that there’s a scarcity of men, just from a numbers standpoint, so we should just be happy to accept whatever comes our way.  This is not true.  Listen, Black woman.  Dusty and Ashy are not choices, and you don’t have to accept either.  There are over 7 BILLION people on this earth.  In the U.S. alone, the population is over 300 million, and 49.2% of that population is male.  Eighteen percent of Blacks intermarry, which means that 82% of the Black population still marries Black, as the overwhelming majority of just about any ethnic group marries within that group. So, Black woman, you do not have to choose between two or any amount of men who are undesirable to you or unsuitable as a mate.

Don’t believe the hype. You have options.


I Am Not Your Strong Black Woman



In many ways across many platforms and in social media, we hear so much about the strong Black woman.  The conversations range from (men and women) putting the strong Black woman on a pedestal to declaring the strong Black woman trope as a silent killer of Black women.  But the latter conversation is fairly new and not given nearly the attention it deserves.  For years, Black women have prided ourselves on being “strong” and able to endure and come out of the worst of situations still breathing.  Likewise, our men have expected this, even now demanding this of us, as though entitled to our ability to withstand mental and physical duress unnecessarily.  Sort of like an initiation into the pickme squad. 

Recently, a friend posed this question to Facebook: Fellas, what is the allure of the STRONG Black woman?  Continue reading I Am Not Your Strong Black Woman